It's time to close the doors on Series One of Mr. Selfridge--we think. It's possible that Jeremy Piven has been running around, setting all the clocks five minutes ahead.  Kelly and Tom get unbelievably angry at Mr. Grove, imagine Sherlock Without Sherlock, weigh the pros and cons of living like the Eskimo, worry that Rosalie has appendicitis, laugh at King Edward VII, introduce Crabvilius shipping, discuss how duchesses never fart, marvel at Ellen Love's new gravity-defying hairdo, and wonder why the hell it's so easy to make the audience at Tony's play laugh.  Kelly actually cries about the departure of several characters, Tom busts out his French accent again, and both of them can't wait to see what tricks Eyeliner has up his makeup-stained sleeve for Series Two.

Kelly & Tom go nuts for tea huts in their coverage of Mr. Selfridge Episodes 7 & 8.  Their more quick-witted than usual observations extend to remembering that Drunky McGin exists, the plight of colorblind Edwardians, the return of Lady May's hair bra, how Selfridge's might have capitalized on the sinking of Titanic, Mr. LeClair's snazzy new iPhonograph, an imagined MySpace rivalry between Baron Julian and Eyeliner, Rosalie Selfridge and the vexing strap, "Umberland" as a unit of measurement, and the many dangers of automated nutcrackers.  In addition, Kelly thinks Doris and Bobcat Goldthwaite are the same person, Tom spots a pair of egregious anachronisms, and everyone laments the return of Roddy "The Rodent" Temple.

In this recap of Mr.Selfridge episodes 5 & 6, Kelly and Tom crash headlong into a heap of scandal!  They go to the papers with tales of gin-soaked bums, Jeremy Piven's excellent yelling skills, a (nearly) fool-proof method of telling the Selfridge children apart, Lady May's gigolo-naming system, which 'ships are okay to support, the worst flashback sequence of all time, and the excellent performances of Ellen Love, Rose Selfridge, and Josie Mardle.  Kelly plans to write Jordan Baker fan fiction, Tom spots a really egregious anachronism, and everyone blames Mrs. Crabbe for everything while they join the No Gordons Allowed Club.

Kelly and Tom return at long last with a recap of Mr. Selfridge episodes 3 & 4 sure to delight and amaze even the most curmudgeonly Cousins! They cover the awfulness of Viking River Cruises and the PBS video player, the over/under on whether Lady May and Ellen Love are actually vampires, Fake Gyllenhaal's dilettantism, Nude Day at Selfridge's, dick-flavored chicken, getting married in pubs, Bohemian scammers, and why Piven doesn't ever just yell "BLENKINSOP!"  All this, plus Kelly cuts several lines of cocaine history, Tom almost eats a photograph, and it is decided that every woman should have a Leclair moment.

Kelly and Tom set out to change the way the internet experiences Mr. Selfridge. Their discussion of the two-hour Masterpiece Classic premiere involves a LOT of made-up names, LinneyWatch 2013, the smile that dropped a thousand panties, the Ginger Gregson, a Torchwood alien, and the niceness of people being nice to one another. All this, plus Kelly is the Regina George of slumber parties, Tom is declared an honorary woman, and the Cousins grace us with a plethora of lengthy, informative Telegrams.

Kelly and Tom wrap up their wrap-up discussion of Downton Abbey, Series 3. They ponder how to solve a problem like Molesley, the ever changing cast of babies, Isis-shaped lamps, the merits of sharing a diaper with a monkey, Ireland's lack of cinematic quality, the real Dante's Inferno, Mary's similarity to the Queen Mother, the new musical sensation Thoroughly Dismayed Lord Grantham, the downstairs love pentagram, and Murray-related activities. Kelly reveals her latent telekinesis, Tom disparages the works of M. Night Shayamalan, and they both resume bashing Sadie and the Hotheads. Don't forget, March 19 is your last chance to enter to win a Kindle Fire from BaldMove.com!

This week, to the surprise of everyone, including themselves, Kelly and Tom kick off the first of a two-part (possibly three-part) Downton Abbey Series Three recap discussion! They cover alternative ways to write Matthew Crawley out of the show, the failings of the TARDIS when parsing trans-Atlantic slang, whether or not twigs are allowed in British prisons, heroin-addled costume designers, the heir to Sunny Marlborough's lifetime of bad decisions, how to play Snapdragon, and the gayest name ever. Kelly tries not to fall victim to a poison pie, Tom gets misty about Mrs. Hughes, and they both plead with Baron Julian to let them write punchup on Series Four. Don't forget, you can win a free Kindle Fire from UYDS's parent network, BaldMove.com! Be sure to enter by March 19th!

In their final super-sized Downton Abbey recap for this season, Kelly and Tom finally catch up with the rest of the world as the events of "Journey to the Highlands" unfold.  They chat about Lady Mary's magically disappearing baby bump, the Crawley House motto, Branson's Home Alone experience, Rose's side-boob, haggis hats, O'Brien's utterly terrifying Scottish counterpart, the long-awaited appearance of Shrimpie, the inexplicable demon/assassin/alien maid Edna, ghillies and their speak, Helen Mirren joining the DA cast, what Jimmy Kent gets up to on his days off, a Nield & the Gang spinoff and of course, SYBBIE!   Kelly reveals her childhood connection to carnies, Tom reaffirms his undying devotion to Lady Mary, and both of them come up with a great Downton-inspired name for their first child.

Take a tour of the revolting world of a double-wide episode of UYDS!  In this episode, Kelly and Tom recap Downton Abbey S3:E7 and S3:E8 in an attempt to reconcile themselves with PBS' dumb programming schedule. Not only do they cover two totally riveting episodes, but Kelly attempts to sing the score of Norman & Simon's The Secret Garden, Tom casts aspersions on the fair city of Elko, NV, and everyone sheds a little tear for Thomas.  They also discuss Sybbie's giant melon head, McG's hypnotic droopy eye, sympathy for the devil, limp ninjas, a lot of love for Madge, Alice, and the hallboys, Mary's (alleged) baby thievery, Edith's total domination of fashion this series, the worst poem in the world, brunch etiquette, Ethel's shopping list, and all the cricket you can shake a century at, or whatever it is people shake at things.

This recap of Downton Abbey S3:E6 is brought to you courtesy of podcast network BaldMove.com, the new home of UYDS! Kelly and Tom discuss crackpot theories, ways to make the podcast profitable, and the joy of wordplay. They also criticize Mrs. Bartlett's wallpaper, Isobel's face, and Bates's very existence. They also seek out a mirror for O'Brien, a musical role for Jimmy Kent, a magical spell for Baron Fellowes, and a surprising possible identity for Thomas's erotic pen pal. In addition, Tom delves deep into pagan folderol, Kelly runs down the elusive foxtrot, and more from everybody's best friend, Wikipedia!